Grumpy Old Git

There is a sub-class among us, the members of which have been labelled so that the rest of us may identify and avoid them. They are, of course, the New Drivers, forced to display a prominent “N” and subject to rules and restrictions which don’t apply to anyone else. And which they happily ignore. Well,...

Male grooming fascinates me. Well now, that didn’t sound quite right, did it? What I mean is, I am perpetually astonished by the fact that grown men go to such absurd lengths to make themselves look… well, absurd. Take the current obsession with facial hair. Everywhere you turn, otherwise sensible adult males have sprouted ludicrous...

Last weekend I made a ghastly mistake, one that will affect my life forever. I went to the beach.  I should have known better, but it was stiflingly hot at home and I thought an afternoon at the beach would be one of pleasure and relaxation. My mistake began to become apparent when I tried to...

I do not pretend to understand persons of the opposite sex any more than I pretend to understand quantum physics or other equally impenetrable mysteries of the universe. And the one thing that baffles me every time is their bizarre behaviour around babies. To a rational observer there is nothing less attractive than a mewling,...

This week I was invited to a wine tasting and dinner at a trendy restaurant, one that has received rave reviews in those self-important “lifestyle” journals with pictures of gold-lined swimming pools and advertisements for vulgar German cars. It was disappointingly plain. In fact the décor reminded me of a school cafeteria. It also had...

One of the worst things about getting on in life is that bits of you start falling apart. Recently I lost the use of a rather important part, one that I quite enjoy employing on a regular basis. I am referring, of course, to my arm. In particular the essential right arm. This is the...

I hate it when cars nag. They bleep at you to turn off your lights or put your seat belt on or take your keys with you. Nowadays they even nag you when they need a service, as mine did this week. So of course I obediently drove to the dealer like a lamb to...