Andria Parker

The first picture of the four of us was taken by the front door in her house. We didn’t have to beckon for her mother to come and take it either. Two gothic Disney princesses, an alien dressed like sporty spice, and a cowgirl before they wore short shorts stood, arms around each other, smiling....

This week, I heard a saying that inspired great thought. It went something like, “If it sounds like a gallop, it’s probably a horse — not a zebra.” I’ve been repeating it daily — not as a mantra, but as a reminder — because I like to panic about the little things, and I often...

My alter ego’s name is Sarah Hunter and she has huge knockers and blonde hair, but she’s not a bimbo. She currently lives in Alabama, on the run from her ex-husband who also happens to be a werewolf, but she doesn’t know this yet. All Sarah knows is that the county sheriff is a babe...

Listen up — there’s a new cleanse in town and it has nothing to do with juice. Immediately I know you’re intrigued. How do I know this? Because cleansing is like New Years Eve, whenever you want. It’s like being born again. It’s like a blank slate — and we’re all so messed up these...

PREPARING FOR BATTLE AGAINST GENERATION Z When was the last time you put in a hard day’s work? Like, I don’t mean you busted your ass at CrossFit and did 57 kettlebell swings. I mean, when was the last time you put in a hard day’s work for someone else? Millennials seem to have a...

I met a woman once who told me every time she found a box in her home that hadn’t been opened in two years, she would throw it away without looking inside of it. The idea of this propelled me into a panic attack faster than discovering a new imaginary body part. What if it...

My entire life I have strived towards being a Yes Person. You know the kind — the one who bungee jumps off bridges in Portugal without understanding a word of the waiver forms, the one who went scuba diving with unknown species of sharks, the one who took too many drinks from too many strangers...

Over the past two weeks I’ve been experimenting in the kitchen. Not because it was requested of me, but because I currently have nothing else on the go. Also, I’ve been watching a lot of Chopped and, like, how hard can it be? If you can make a dessert out of squid, artichoke and licorice,...

My boyfriend turned to me and asked why I was crying. “I always cry before I play sports,” I sniffed at him. This is actually quite standard behaviour for me. It’s not like the temper tantrums I throw when I’m too poor to buy that doggy in the window, it’s more like a quiet, blubbering...

Nine years ago, I teetered across a stage filled with my hooting and hollering peers in a pair of strappy silver stilettos and my mother assured me I would fall.  The voice of my principal boomed over everyone in the crowd and said I was going on to pursue a bachelor’s degree, that I had...

What is it about being poor that makes a person immediately want to buy a bottle of wine? I just don’t think it’s very fair to be tested like that, you know? Because, yes, I’m well aware I should probably spend my last $10 on some sort of starch but, in the battle of Great...